Category Archives: video games

April 16, 2012 · 8:56 AM

Unlimited Screen Time?

Almost two weeks ago, Paxton (11 at the time of this writing) jumped up playing basketball, took a bad landing, and ended up severely spraining his ankle.  For the past 13 days he’s been on the couch and I’ve been playing nurse.  Injury not withstanding, I’ve really enjoyed this extra time I’ve suddenly gotten with him.  We’ve watched countless movies together – everything from Bruce Almighty to Lord of the Rings to a documentary about the Titanic.  We’ve watched plenty of TV together too, including a several-episode-long marathon of Criss Angel’s magic.  The TV and movies were fun while they lasted, but he eventually asked me to bring him a laptop.  We then watched videos on YouTube, shared and compared our various wanderings on our respective computers, and had discussion after discussion about all of the above.   He has since moved on to teaching himself card tricks, and he has spent the past 48 hours practicing and perfecting his skills.

In our house, we don’t limit or otherwise try to control television, movies, computers, or other types of “screen time”…. even when no one is injured.  All of that technology is simply another tool we’re all free to use, or not use, as we see fit.  Sometimes our house is humming with televisions, computers, and video games… and sometimes the only humming comes from the kids.  Yesterday (on a rare Sunday at home) no one so much as glanced at a TV until evening came.

When I first became a parent, screen time made me all kinds of uneasy.   I wanted my kids (well, my one kid at the time) to read a book, or do a puzzle, or play outside, or use his imagination… not sit in front of a screen.  I was self-righteous in my resolve, telling anyone who asked that we didn’t do much TV… that in our house we focused on learning activities.  And how much could he possibly learn from a SCREEN?

Well.  As it turns out, a lot.   As I gradually let go and lifted my limits, I realized that those things I had feared not only didn’t hamper Spencer’s learning, but added to it immensely!   We still read books.  We still did puzzles.  We still played outside.  He still used his imagination.  But we’d also opened up a whole new world to enjoy together, one that we still appreciate and share… without limits and without conditions.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One of the most common questions or objections I get from unschoolers new to the idea of unlimited screen time is that whenever they’ve tried, it’s made their kids unruly or agitated… or as this one reader states, it has just been a “disaster”:

I love the idea of unlimited screen time, but every time I go with it disasters happen. The kids (5 and 3) start bouncing around on the couch, biting each other, kicking, etc. It is worst when they have been watching movies all day so I can’t help but associate it with the screen time.

So why the disaster?  Why, if it works so well for us (and for lots of other families) do so many people try it only to pronounce it a failure?  Here are a few things that could be happening, in no particular order:

1. They’re bored.  They’re watching TV or playing a video game not because they particularly want to, but because no better alternative has been presented or offered.    They’re feeling pent-up or frustrated, so it comes out in their behavior.  It would come out in my behavior too.  Maybe they’d rather be outside, or baking cookies, or drawing a picture, or just hanging out with mom.  When that’s the case, it’s not the fault of the screen.  It’s simply a matter of being involved, maybe doing a little detective work, offering suggestions, and offering yourself.

2.  They’re hungry.  Or tired.  Or in need of a break.  Again, not the fault of the screen.  A lot of times, kids (and adults for that matter) will get really engrossed in something and not listen to their bodies. They miss cues of hunger or fatigue until they’re to the point of grumpy.   Ideally, as parents we should step in before that happens.

3.  Parents are coming into it with preconceived ideas about how it will affect their kids.  In other words, they’re expecting their children to behave in a negative way.  In the same way that many parents who think, “Oh if he has those cookies now, he’ll be bouncing off the walls all night” will then observe said bouncing off the walls, and feel validated for being right… even if the behavior was completely unrelated.    Even if the perceived “hyper” behavior wasn’t so unreasonable after all.  We tend to see what we want to see.

4.  The child/children have just gotten really engrossed in what they’re watching or playing, to the point of wanting to shut out what’s going on around them, and being frustrated by distractions and interruptions.  I know a lot of people think of things like TV watching as passive activities.  You just sit and stare and become a zombie.  I have never found that to be case.   For me (and for my kids who choose to watch TV) I think it’s often the opposite.  I get very involved.  Certain shows and movies make me come alive.  I fall in love with the stories,with the dialogue, with the writing, with the timing.  And just as with any other activity that I’m really immersed in…. whether it’s watching a movie, or reading, or writing, or creating something… when I’m interrupted or have to stop, I feel frustrated.   And while as an adult I can generally sometimes handle that frustration and transition without making too much of a fuss about it, it’s twenty times harder for a child.

5.  Maybe it really does affect your child differently than mine.  (There’s my little disclaimer:   I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of someone else’s child or family)  If that’s the case, I strongly believe that there’s still a way to come to a peaceful and respectful solution that takes everyone’s needs and wishes into account, without being controlling and falling the way of using screen time as a punishment or reward.

Our lives are richer because of technology to be sure :: said as she types on her laptop with high speed internet while simultaneously watching a sci-fi movie with the 11 and 7 year olds ::  At the same time, because it’s treated as no more or less important or valuable as any of the other tools at our disposal, the kids can all take it or leave it.

Right now, they’re leaving it.  The movie got too confusing, and there are important card tricks to be done.

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You might also want to read No thank you, we’ll stay plugged; and Blame the Video Games

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Filed under learning, life, technology, television, unschooling, video games

January 9, 2012 · 8:13 AM

The Unschooled Gamer

Did you know what you wanted to do with your life when you were eleven?

I did.  I wanted to be a writer.  Sure, there were moments growing up that I also wanted to be (in no particular order):  an Olympic gymnast, a hair stylist, a scientist, and a psychologist. But the one constant, the one thing that I always wanted to be – for as long as I can remember – was a writer.  I never knew the exact form it would take, which meant that I navigated a frustrating college experience consisting of, “Well you should major in English.  No, you want to take Journalism.  Let’s try Mass Communications.”  Until I finally admitted that none of them were really the right path for me, but that I still just wanted to write.

I am turning 38 tomorrow, and I am a writer.   No, I don’t earn a living writing (although it does very occasionally earn me at least a little bit of money), but I am a writer.  I am living out that eleven year old’s dream.

I write.

Sometimes a few people read what I have to say.

Sometimes a lot of people read what I have to say.

Sometimes people are even touched in some way by what I have to say.

Sometimes my words are for me and me alone.

But I am a writer.

Paxton, eleven years old at the time of this writing, wants to be a video game designer.

 

He has always wanted to be a video game designer.  Why, when I know from my own experience the reality of an eleven year old’s passion, would I not take that every bit as seriously as my own writing?  I don’t share his love of video games, but I have learned to appreciate them on a whole new level through his example.  I can see how much he loves them.  I can see how much he’s learning from them.  I can see how much it all means to him.

Last night, prompted in part by a discussion about this article, I told Paxton, “You know what you should do?  You should start a blog about video games, so that people can see what you’re doing, and see what you’re learning.”

And he answered, “I’ve been thinking about starting a blog!”

So last night, long after the rest of us had gone to bed, he did.  He is now, officially, Paxton The Unschooled Gamer.

And as it turns out, he’s a writer too.

 

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Filed under about me, blogging, Paxton, unschooling, video games

August 2, 2011 · 7:58 AM

Blame the Video Games

Photo by phr3qu3ncy

Chris Staniforth was 20 years old, loved playing Xbox, and had been accepted into a Game Design program at Leicester University. His recent death, determined to be from a pulmonary embolism, came after what was described as a “marathon session” of gaming.

To be clear, the unexpected loss of a 20 year old is a tragedy no matter what, and my heart goes out to his parents and loved ones. But I see headlines like this, and I can’t help but think there’s an injustice being served.  Doing a quick Google search of his name brings it up again and again.  “Xbox addict.”  “Game addict.” “Halo addict.” Addict, addict, addict.  Article after article warns against the dangers of excessive game playing.

Deep vein thrombosis, which caused the pulmonary embolism that killed Chris Staniforth, can occur during long periods of immobility, such as bed rest, long flights, or simply sitting in the same position for a long time.

When I was a kid on summer vacation, I used to spend entire days (days upon days) sprawled on a hammock or lawn chair, reading a book.  If I didn’t have four kids and adult responsibilities, I still would.  Does that make me a reading addict?  Does that make reading dangerous?

My husband has had a desk job ever since he entered the work force nearly twenty years ago.  Sometimes when he’s involved in a project, he doesn’t move from his chair for several hours at a time.  Does that make him a workaholic?  Does that make working dangerous?

Yes, I could have gotten up occasionally and taken a break from reading.  Yes, my husband could walk down the hall occasionally and get a cup of coffee.  Yes, Chris Staniforth could have interspersed his video game playing with shooting basketball or walking around the block.  But what happened to him was a rare and tragic accidental death, one that could happen to anyone, doing any number of things.  It’s not the fault of the video game.  It’s also not the fault of his parents (something I saw over and over in the comments of these articles)  They should have stopped him from playing so long!  They should have made him do other things!  Besides the fact that this was a 20 year old who should have been able to make his own decisions, we know nothing about his parents other than the fact that they are grieving the loss of their son.

He was following a passion. This poor kid was not doing drugs, not doing anything illegal or immoral or wrong, yet his death is being used as a dire anti-video game cautionary tale.  He was an addict, these articles warn.  Don’t let this happen to you!

I have a child who is passionate about video games.  At ten, he already knows that he wants to study video game design, just as I already knew at ten that it was the written word that I loved.  I want to support him in that endeavor, just as I would in any other.   I know people who work in this field for a living… people who love what they are doing.  People I respect.

But video games can kill you!  Absolutely they can. So can riding in an airplane, stepping off a curb, or slipping in the shower.  The video games are not at fault here.  Neither is the airplane, the curb, or the shower.    These are accidents.

I wouldn’t want Chris Staniforth’s death to be in vain.  I want to continue to have awareness, and knowledge, and common sense.  Of course.  But I never want to live in fear, and I never want my kids to do so either.

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Filed under hot topics, life, unschooling, video games