Category Archives: unschooling

December 20, 2012 · 12:45 PM

I Quit

“I’ve had it. I quit. I would rather leave my secure, $70,000 job, with benefits, and tutor in Connecticut for free, than be part of a system that is diametrically opposed to everything education should be.”

This is what’s become of our education system… from the mouth of a teacher. And people still wonder why I homeschool. I have a lot of compassion for all the great teachers who are doing the best they can in such a broken, broken system; and especially for teachers like this man… teachers who are forced to make the decision to say “No. No more.”

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Filed under homeschooling, school, unschooling

December 18, 2012 · 6:00 AM

2012 Top Ten

What a year for parenting. Between Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, there was no shortage of avenues for crazy ideas. Laptop-shooting dads, public shamings on Facebook, and negative and anti-kid “pins” were all the rage this year.

As I went through my stats for the year to get this post together, I realized that once again my most read pieces were those that responded to these popular trends.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  On the one hand, it makes sense…. these are things that people are thinking about, and talking about, and are just generally in the public’s consciousness.  On the other, it bothers me.  Bothers me because they’re also the posts that garner me the most negative attention, the most “Why don’t you stop judging everyone else and worry about your own family” kind of comments.   It was not too long ago that I was told I should stop picking on everyone.

That’s not who I am, and it’s not what this blog is.

Still, there were things that I think needed to be said, and with few exceptions I don’t regret saying them.   I do imagine the blog going in a bit of a different direction in 2013, both as a conscious decision and just because I’ve gone in a different direction.    As an authentic extension of myself, this space is a growing, changing, fluid organism.  And thank God for that.

Here are my most read posts for the year, in order of most to least views:

Not My Idea of a Hero:  My response to Tommy Jordan, the man who gained his 15 minutes of fame when the video of him shooting bullets through his daughter’s laptop went viral on YouTube.   I took a lot of flack on this one… for “judging” him, and for not respecting him and his decisions as a parent.   But the man took a gun, shot it through his daughter’s property, and used fear, intimidation, and public ridicule as a way to discipline.  I stand by this one.

I stole your stuff.  Now I’m holding it for ransom:  My take on the popular Pinterest idea of collecting your kids’ things that were left lying around, putting them in a big bin, and then having them do chores to earn them back.   A lot of negative responses to this too (people hold very tightly to their treasured pins :)), especially to my use of the word, “steal.”  But in my house, my childrens’ things are their own, and taking something that doesn’t belong to you is stealing.  I stand by this one too.

Dear Chick Fil A, I Love You But:  Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick Fil A, made a public statement about gay marriage and what he called traditional family values.  People boycotted, people supported him, and everyone went crazy.  The brouhaha on both sides of this issue was just too much to ignore, so I had to say my piece.  My only regret on this one?  That I wasn’t brave enough to say how I really felt about homosexuality.  That I hid behind hypotheticals and political correctness and the same “traditional family values” that had started the whole thing.   What I didn’t do was come right out and say that yes, I’m a Christian who absolutely loves God and loves Jesus…. and doesn’t happen to think that homosexuality is a sin.  I didn’t say that I think that the way homosexuals have been treated in the name of Christianity is absolutely abhorrent, and I didn’t say that I think something needs to change in a HUGE way in this country (and that that change should not involve denying gay individuals the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.)  I didn’t share that I too was once an adamant “It’s a sin, but…” Christian, or the journey that it took for me to feel otherwise, or the years of researching on my own, trying to find out what the Bible actually did and did not say, or my gratitude for people like John Shore, and other Christians who were brave enough to question the status quo – and write about it – long before me.   So there it is.   And in 2013, I won’t shy away from talking about it anymore.

Mom’s Rules and Is it Okay to Let Your Child Cry?  and The Problem with Facebook Parenting:    I don’t want to keep repeating myself, so I’ll comment on these all together.  Some things are worth taking a stand about.  The way children are treated is one of them.

Unschooling, Christianity & Other Misconceptions and The Five Rs for New Homeschoolers and Unschooling:  Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something?   I’m glad these made the list.  I’m in a season right now of not wanting to really talk about unschooling so much as just LIVE it.  I know that people are still out there looking for information and reassurance though, and I’d love to think that they’re able to find some of that in some of my past posts…. if nothing else, as a jumping off point for further research.

The Boy Named Johnny:  About an awesome, energetic, different kid in Everett’s cub scout troop.  I’m glad this made the list too, especially in light of the Connecticut school shootings, and the attention being paid to the fact that the shooter had Asperger’s.  I think it’s an important conversation to be had.

And a bonus number 11:

When is it Okay to Judge?:   When I saw this was in the number 11 spot, I knew I had to include it.  Please read it, especially if any of the above posts make you want to call me judgmental.  🙂

Love you all, and I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings.

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Filed under blogging, christian unschooling, discipline, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, judgement, kindness, learning, life, mindful parenting, parenting, unschooling

October 6, 2012 · 9:13 AM

Rules vs Principles: Sometimes We Jump on the Bed

A week or two ago, I got the following email:

I’ve been reading a lot of Sandra Dodd’s stuff on rules vs principles. I understand the concept that there’s a difference, but I just can’t imagine how it works. I came from a family where there was literally a new rule every week. My dad’s favorite saying was, “Okay, new rule!” Then he would commence to tell us what annoyed him that week and what we can’t do anymore. So understandably, I don’t know how to parent without lists and lists of rules. My LO is only 8 months old, but I’d like to get this whole principle thing down so she’ll have respectful boundaries and her world won’t be chaos. How did you go about setting principles and boundaries with toddlers?

A lot of times, when people ask me about transitioning to some of these unschooling and gentle parenting philosophies, I struggle in my answer.   Not because I don’t know how I feel (I do), and not because I feel like I have it all figured out (I don’t)… but just because it was something we went through – rather smoothly, thankfully – when Spencer was still a baby 15 years ago; 15 years is a long time;  I’m old 38; and sometimes I honestly don’t remember the specifics.

But this I remember.

I remember that moment, one of many such lightbulb-moments that would serve as the framework for my entire parenting journey, when I decided:

Rules are kind of stupid. 

Before I get flogged for that, of course I don’t mean all rules.  But some rules.  A lot of rules.  Arbitrary rules (and as it turns out, many many rules fall under the category of arbitrary)  I was going to do away with arbitrary rules.

Some rules do serve a purpose though, and I got that.  So my first new rule (ha) under my new no-rule policy was that I could only make a rule if it was a) a matter of safety, or b) had to do with respect… either towards self, towards others, or towards your surroundings.  When it came down to it, I decided, those were the only rules that mattered.  And for a short while it worked.  It wasn’t long however before I realized that even those well-thought out rules, while maybe not classifying as “stupid” exactly, were unnecessary.

I wear my seat belt every single time I drive… not because I’ve made it a rule, but because it’s a simple thing I can do to increase my safety in the car.

I try to treat others with kindness and respect… not because I’ve made it a rule, but because it’s the right thing to do.

I want my kids to live with the same kind of principles.  I want them to make decisions based on what’s important to them, based on what they’ve learned from our actions as their parents, based on what they’ve learned by living and playing and working together as a healthy family.  Based on their own sense of right and wrong.   Not based on an outwardly imposed list of “do”s and “do not”s.

We still talk about safety.  We still talk about respect.  We still talk about good choices.

But… sometimes we jump on the bed.

Sometimes we play with fire.

Sometimes we have ice cream before dinner.

Sometimes we have ice cream FOR dinner.

We don’t have to make family rules in order to live together safely, happily, and with mutual respect.  We talk to our kids.  We listen to our kids.  We respect our kids.  We respect each other.  We show them what healthy relationships look like.  We show them what healthy decisions look like.  We let them explore and try and look and touch, all while we’re right there beside them… to guide them, to protect them, to act as their safety net when they need it, and as their biggest supporters when they don’t.

And since this is all likely begging the question:  “How will they ever learn to follow the rules?   Won’t they be disorderly, disruptive, and disrespectful?  How will they learn to operate in polite society?”  My answer to that is this:

My children have never had an issue following rules.  They follow the rules at church, at Cub Scouts, at gymnastics class, and at karate.   They follow the rules at zoos and museums and public stadiums.   When we go new places, we educate ourselves about the rules.  And because they have respect for themselves and respect for others;  because they understand that their being able to enjoy or see or experience is sometimes contingent on following the rules, they have no difficulties doing so.  Rules have never been set forth as something oppressive or scary or overwhelming.  They are sometimes necessary in other places, and the kids all know that.  They know that they are sometimes silly, and they know that they can question them and that we will always give them an honest answer.  They also know that when they go anywhere with rules in place that they have a choice:  to follow the rules or not.  They know that the owners/persons in charge of said place have a choice too:  to give second chances or to ask them to leave.

I don’t worry that my kids won’t learn to follow rules.  They already do.   Perhaps even more importantly, I also don’t worry that they’ll blindly follow unfair or immoral rules either.  They’re learning to question.  Just like I’d hoped all those years ago, they’re learning to use their own minds, and follow their own sense of what’s good and what’s right and what’s necessary and what’s fair….. all without ever having been given rules requiring them to do so.

 

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Filed under parenting, Uncategorized, unschooling

August 20, 2012 · 9:23 AM

Television Without Fear

Thanks to Alice for another spot-on guest post!

I was raised without cable TV.  Actually, there were long stretches of my upbringing where we didn’t even own a TV, until my aunt and uncle would come to visit and bring one of their (many) old black and white TVs that wasn’t being used in their house.  Then we would be able to tune in the local channels, wiggling the rabbit ear antennas around until the fuzzy lines actually resembled peoples’ faces.  Sort of.  To give you a little perspective, I’m 36 years old at the time of this writing.  My peers grew up watching Fame, The Cosby Show, Family Ties, The Wonder Years, and Beverly Hills 90210.  And probably a lot more stuff I can’t think of because, you know, we didn’t have a TV. 

Our TV situation was complicated even more by my parents’ prejudice against it; we could have afforded a TV, but it was beneath them.  TV?  No no, we’re readers.  Even when we owned those secondhand black and white sets, we weren’t actually allowed to watch anything.  The standing rule in the house was No TV On School Nights.  If it wasn’t a school night, I could maybe watch something but there was a whole lot I wasn’t allowed to watch.  On that list were innocuous things like Golden Girls (because Blanche Devereaux had indiscriminate sex).  Over and over again, I heard how TV was going to turn my brain to mush, or rot my brain, or was a waste of time, or was junk.  Why didn’t I read a book or go outside?  As a matter of fact, turn off that TV and do something else.  Sometimes I was allowed to finish whatever I was watching, and sometimes I wasn’t.  (And just for the record, my parents were and are excellent parents.  This post is not meant to malign or judge them.)  Their rationale – that TV was junk – was the same thing I hear all the time from parents today, and at its core is fear.  Fear that kids will somehow be damaged from TV; grow up too fast, become violent, materialistic, zombified, lazy, not smart.  And when you view TV as the harbinger of all of that, of course you want your kids to spend little to no time watching it. 

When a kid values something – anything at all, whether it be TV, sports, books, or Barbies – and their parents repeatedly tell them the thing they value is junk, it creates feelings of guilt and shame.  I’m not speaking in hypotheticals here, or repeating something I read in a study. 

I’m telling you that I found value in watching TV for many reasons, and was told my entire childhood that TV viewing was not worthwhile, and that created feelings of guilt and shame that lasted into adulthood.

It took until my oldest was 5 for me to find and fully embrace radical unschooling.  There are no restrictions on TV viewing (or screen time of any kind) in our house.  My kids are free to watch as much or as little TV as they want, and can watch any shows they are interested in.  The only limits have to do with the fact that we are a large family with two TVs – it’s a rare occurrence for that to be a problem, and it is generally easily resolved.  But what does it really mean to have no rules about TV viewing?  What does the reality of that look like on a daily basis in my house?  What if my kids want to watch TV all day?  And what do I do if the kids want to watch something I think is inappropriate?  And what about the materialism promoted in commercials?

When I say there are no limits to TV viewing in our house, I really mean just that.  And it applies to computers and video games as well.  My kids (8, 6, and 3 year old boys, and 1 year old twin girls) can choose to use or not use electronics in the same way they can choose to read, ride bikes, dig in dirt, build with legos, or anything else they think of.  There is a stigma attached to using electronic devices that doesn’t seem to be applied to anything else, and it’s that stigma, and the associated fear that accompanies it, that motivates parents to place arbitrary limits on their use.  When you view the world through that veil of fear, there’s so much to be afraid of.  I don’t discourage my kids from talking to people they don’t know; the majority of strangers are nice people, and I’m right there with my kids should things seem to be heading in a strange direction.  We talk to them about internet safety, but not to the point that they’re paralyzed with the fear of online predators.  We talk to them about the kinds of images that you wish you could unsee, but can’t, and why that could be harmful; but not because we want them to be scared of the world around them.  I don’t fear that my kids will become lazy, or unhealthy, or less intelligent because I’m right here with them, seeing for myself that they have a variety of interests that extend beyond screen time.  Fear does not enter into our decision-making process for our family, and when you remove the element of fear, the need for arbitrary limits disappears.   

I can already hear it coming: “If I let my kids have unlimited screen time, they wouldn’t do anything else all day.”  Well, yeah.  If you limit your kids’ screen time, and then all of a sudden one day you don’t, then of course they’re going to get as much screen time in as they possibly can.  History has shown them that limits will most likely be in place again soon, and they’re going to take advantage of the reprieve.  I know I would.  When we stopped limiting our kids’ screen time, it did take a while for them to believe the limits weren’t coming back.  And now?  Some days, they’re on the TV and/or computer all day long.  Some days, they don’t go anywhere near either screen.  And that’s really what it looks like in a house with no limits.  Screen time becomes just one more option in a whole world full of options.  It’s not better or worse than anything else.

My kids can choose to watch anything they can find.  That statement tends to shock people.  But here’s what it doesn’t mean: it doesn’t mean that I leave them in a room alone with a stack of R rated movies riddled with violence and sex and encourage my kids to watch them.  I know what my kids like to watch, and I know what would scare them, or bore them, or bother them for some reason they maybe can’t articulate.  I’ve explained what the different ratings on movies and TV shows mean, and they frequently check them on new shows – not because they might get in trouble for watching them, but because it might be something they wouldn’t like.  And if they’re not sure, they ask.  The most important thing I can do is be there.  I’m there to explain what a show might contain, or to read a description of it, or to suggest something they might like better.  If they want to watch a show, but I think it might be scary or confusing, I make sure I watch it with them so we can turn it off if they want, or so we can pause it for me to explain something they have a question about.  They have no interest whatsoever in shows with adult themes of love and sex, and I can’t imagine them tolerating even a few minutes of it.  But at some point they probably will, and rather than forbid them to watch it I intend to watch it with them so we can talk about it together.  (And I’m not talking about porn here, people.  Work with me.)  Let’s say, for instance, we happen to be watching Golden Girls and good old Blanche gets friendly with a gentleman caller.  Perfect opportunity to discuss a whole variety of things with my kids!  Just be there, and be willing to talk.

As for violence, I would argue that movies marketed to kids are way, way more disturbing than a lot of PG-13 movies.  In one 5 minute stretch of The Lion King (which we watch a lot of around here), Simba’s uncle commits treason, then murder, then usurps the throne, and tries to have Simba killed.  Right up until that point, everything had been love and roses.  Pretty much every kids’ movie follows a similar formula.  Everyone’s happy until some horrible tragedy, which the main character must then overcome.  Whereas in a movie like Spiderman, everything is laid out a little more clearly.  There are good guys, and bad guys; there’s a battle, then the good guys win.  The end.  Seeing violence in a movie does not encourage my kids to be violent.   My kids are kind, sweet, gentle and friendly.  They are peaceful because we as their parents are peaceful.  My husband and I were watching The Hunger Games recently, and my 6 year old came into the room and asked what it was about.  We paused the movie and explained the concept, and he said he wanted to watch a little.  He watched a few minutes of it and was interested in the bow and arrows carried by the main character, and then he got bored and wandered out again.  If he had decided to stay and watch, I would have spent more time watching him than the movie, to see how he was handling it and if we needed to stop watching.  It’s really just that simple.  We were there, and we were willing to talk.

Commercials and marketing and materialism aren’t an issue for us, mostly because – in an ironic twist – we don’t have cable.  What we do have is an xbox, internet, a Netflix subscription and a Hulu subscription.  We stream everything we watch through the xbox to our TV.  Netflix has no commercials and Hulu (which the kids rarely watch) has about two 30 second commercials in a 25 minute show.  But when we go on trips and stay in hotels, the kids see commercials.  I’m not concerned that they’re being brainwashed into wanting things.  If anything, my kids are totally annoyed by the commercials and talk wistfully about getting back home to “good TV.”  I get really excited when I talk about how little we pay to watch TV (in fact I once received a call from a cable company who wanted me to pay for cable, and I’m pretty sure I convinced the salesperson to get rid of hers), but my point here is that while marketers do want to convince people to buy things, I just don’t feel it’s a major concern for us.  We rarely see commercials, but the bottom line is that we are more influential in our kids’ lives than marketers.  We are not materialistic, we don’t constantly shop for the latest and greatest things, and we talk to our kids about money and budgeting and consumerism.  We talk to our kids.

Not too long ago, I wouldn’t have been able to say this without feeling guilty, but I love television.  I love it.  It brings the whole world into our home.  I love watching shows that make me laugh, or cry, or think.  I love watching shows with my kids, and seeing the things that bring them joy, or peak their interest.  I love learning new things with them.  I love the conversations we have that start from something we saw in a show.  I love being able to show them countries that we will most likely never visit, or give them a televised preview of countries we hopefully will get to someday.  I love that when they feel like lying on the couch all day and watching TV, they have the freedom to do that with no strings attached.  I love that TV is just one more choice available for them in a whole world full of choices.

At this phase in my life with so many small children, I rarely have time to watch TV on my own.  But someday, in what will feel like the blink of an eye although it will really have been years, my small children will be bigger.  I’ll find myself with some free time, and maybe I’ll choose to read a book, or go outside.  Or maybe I’ll choose to sit down on the couch and watch TV all day, without guilt or shame.

Alice Davis is an Army wife, mother of five, and probably the last person on earth who doesn’t have a blog.  She loves to talk about unschooling, attachment parenting, and mothering multiples.  In her copious amounts of free time, she sells custom baby hats, tutus, and embroidery in her etsy shop www.AlicesHandmadeCrafts.etsy.com. 

(photo by videocrab)

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Filed under fears, guest posts, misconceptions, television, trust, unschooling

August 17, 2012 · 7:36 PM

Whirly, Swirly Unschooling Days

One of the first things people ask me when they begin to get a tenuous grasp on unschooling is, “So what does a typical day look like?”  And my gut response is typically led with,

“Um….”   Not because we don’t do anything, and not because I don’t know what we do, but because each day is different than the last.  Because it depends.  It depends on the season, it depends on the kids, it depends on me, it depends on current interests.    The common thread though is that when we’re in our groove, the days just… flow… like a river that’s winding its way among the rocks and the shore.  Sometimes raging, sometimes trickling, but always, always moving.

Yesterday was one of the whirling, flowing unschooly days that started before I even got out of bed.  The girl and I were laying in bed, snuggling and laughing and talking about the very important things that moms and daughters talk about, when she decided that she needed her “brudder,” Everett.  We called the brudder, and he joined us for about 30 seconds, until he remembered that I’d promised him the day before that we could play Monopoly.

We went straight from bed to the kitchen table, where we played Monopoly until we realized we needed to go to the store.  Tegan has been living to bake lately, and she needed rainbow sprinkles for her most recently chosen cookie recipe.

The keys were not even in the ignition before Everett excitedly asked from the backseat, “Can you ask me a question??”  One of his current favorite things to do in the car is play a sort of impromptu quiz game.  He picks a subject, and I make up a question.  Car-schooling at its finest.   Yesterday it was math.  We played all the way to Fresh and Easy  (where the sprinkles ended up costing $37 because we also ransacked their clearance shelf while we were there) and all the way home.

When we got home, he asked me to help him find a website where he could practice his math.   He’d been having so much fun with the questions in the car that he didn’t want to stop.  I remembered that I’d just recently heard someone talking about Khan Academy again, and I’d yet to check it out.  So I googled it, and got him signed up while the girl gathered all her cookie ingredients on the counter.  I was looking at the website, impressed, and told Everett, “Wow, this site has everything from basic math to geometry to chemistry to physics….”

“What’s physics?”

Spencer and Paxton were up by then, and they both nearly simultaneously spouted,

“All actions have an equal and opposite…”

and

“An object in motion stays in motion…”

No idea where they learned it.    Paxton said something about them talking about physics on Dr Who, which made him want to watch Dr Who, which he then went to go do immediately.   Spencer went back to his computer, where he was working on creating a step-by-step instruction sheet for setting up your own server on Minecraft.   Tegan and I got to work on our cookies, and Everett did this, for the next eight hours:

Tegan and I played with My Little Ponies and watched Chipwrecked while we waited for the cookies to cool, then I whipped up some frosting so she could decorate them.    After dinner, Everett moved on from math to computer science, and he and Paxton spent the rest of the night learning and playing with simple programming.

I went to bed early to watch a movie, exhausted.  But the best kind of exhausted there is.

This morning, Everett was right back on Khan, we played another game of Monopoly (this time played right through till the bitter end.  I may have lost); and we spent the greater part of the afternoon out running errands.

It’s a pretty good life.

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Filed under life, unschooling

August 13, 2012 · 6:00 AM

The Five R’s For New Homeschoolers

A couple days ago, I read an article aimed at new homeschoolers that outlined several tips for what the author considered to be successful homeschooling.   She mostly wrote about schedules, rules, and minimizing distractions.   Now, I’m not going to tell you how to homeschool – partly because I’ve done that elsewhere on my blog; and partly because it tends to make people mad, and I’m not in the mood for another round of either getting yelled at or receiving platitudes like, “We all have to do what’s right for our own family,”  or  “to each their own.”  What I will tell you though, is that I really believe that the ins and outs and details of the HOW of homeschooling are secondary to the overall picture of how we treat both our children and ourselves.

Here then are the top five things I wish someone had told me when I started…. and these apply to all homeschoolers, no matter what style or approach you end up taking.

1.  Research – Homeschooling is a big decision to be sure, but it’s one that I made largely after one pointed trip to the library.  I read that first stack of books and I was hooked.  For the next several weeks (and months and years), I read everything I could get my hands on.   I can’t recommend doing your research highly enough.  Read the books,  visit the websites, peruse the blogs, talk to those of us who’ve walked the walk, immerse yourself in the big wide world of homeschooling information.   The two big caveats when it comes to research:  1)  Keep, and learn from, the things that resonate with your heart and your soul and your sense of reason, and simply leave the rest.  And 2) If you start feeling overwhelmed or stressed out or anxious, STOP, BREATHE, and move on to number 2…

2.  Relax –  Seriously.  Relax.  Breathe.  Homeschooling is supposed to be fun!  I hate seeing parents stressing themselves out (and by extension, stressing their kids out) by either worrying about particulars, or wondering if they’re doing the right thing.  Nobody’s going to benefit from homeschooling if the atmosphere is one of panic and anxiety.   Relax.  You successfully  saw your kids through learning to walk and talk and use the bathroom…. you can see them through learning to read and write as well.  The best indicator of a successful period of homeschooling is not how organized you were, or what kind of curriculum you used, or how they scored on a test.  It’s about CONNECTION.  If you relax, if you trust your kids, trust the process, and trust the connection, everything else will fall into place.

“Children may not remember exactly what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

3.  Remember that learning is everywhere – I discovered a long time ago that I wouldn’t be very good at having kids in school.  For one thing, my kids would have all kinds of absences.  I’d keep them home on nice days so we could go to the park or the zoo.  I’d keep them home on rainy days so we could snuggle up and watch movies.  I’d pull them out for weeks at a time so we could drive across the country, or explore the desert, or go camping in the mountains.  In short, I’d take them out of school all the time, and I’d do so knowing that they’d be learning the entire time.  Learning isn’t something that can be scheduled.  It’s not something that happens in a certain place, between certain hours, under the guidance of a certain person.  Learning is everywhere.  If you homeschool, you have the awesome and unique opportunity to embrace all the learning that life has to offer, wherever and whenever it has to offer it.   If your kids don’t get to watch the construction on the street or the bird outside the window or the helicopter in the sky because you’re insisting that they stay seated at the kitchen table… you’re truly missing out on the best part of homeschooling.  Learning is everywhere.

“True learning – learning that is permanent and useful, that leads to intelligent action and further learning – can arise only out of the experience, interest, and concerns of the learner.” ~ John Holt

4.  Respect your kids’ individuality – Kids are all different.  Kids are so different.  One of the limitations of public school is that they can’t possibly take into account every personality and every learning style in the room.  I know that many great teachers would like to, and I know that many try, but with 30 students and one teacher it’s not practically or logistically possible.   It’s just not.  But that problem completely goes away when you homeschool.  You get to honor your children’s unique strengths.  You get to let them learn in their own way, in their own time.  You get to help and support them as they chart their own course… not a school’s, not yours, but theirs.  As a homeschooling parent, you have the privilege – and the responsibility – of allowing your children’s education to be 100% customized and unique to them, their interests, their learning styles, and their path in the life…. something a typical school just cannot do.   And on those days when your kids are needing nothing more than a day full of down-time?  You can honor that too.

5.  Rest and restore – That means you, Mom (or Dad).  Giving yourself permission to take care of YOU is hugely important to keeping a homeschool life healthy and happy for all involved.   I’ve never liked it when people have framed this as “getting a break” or “getting away”, because I strongly feel that your family life should be designed in such a way that it’s not something you ever feel you need to get a break from.  Part of doing that successfully is taking good care of yourself.  Getting your rest, getting your exercise, letting your kids see you pursuing things you’re passionate about.  Meditating.  Praying.  Playing.  Yoga.  Whatever helps you feel good and whole and better equipped to be the parent that you know deep down you’re able to be.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

By no means is this little list comprehensive, but it’s a start.  And I promise you if you research, relax, remember, respect, and restore… everything else won’t seem nearly as scary.

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Filed under homeschooling, unschooling

July 9, 2012 · 7:56 AM

High School Taught Me I Was a Failure

I got pretty good grades in high school. Sometimes I got really good grades. I was your average A/B student. I took (and did well in) honors and advanced placement classes, and my extracurricular schedule was nicely padded with sports and clubs and all those other things that colleges like to see. I didn’t dislike school, nor did I love it. School was a necessary evil.  It was a place to go in between writing and drawing and daydreaming. It was place to be told what to do and how to do it. It was like a game to me, and it was a game that I felt I generally played well.

My teachers didn’t agree.

Read the rest over on Christian Unschooling.

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Filed under about me, christian unschooling, unschooling

June 29, 2012 · 1:16 PM

Words that won’t come

 

The homeschooling community is so small and intimate, when compared to the population of the world.  And of that homeschooling community, the people that identify themselves as unschoolers?   A mere fraction.  Unless you quite deliberately keep your family isolated, you’ll at least know of other unschoolers, all around the world.  You’ll recognize their names, and you’ll learn their stories.  You’ll make connections that are in many cases lifelong.

Perhaps the smallest group of all is the Christian unschoolers.   Most Christians who choose to homeschool take a decidedly opposite approach, and most unschoolers… well, suffice it to say that we’re a small lot indeed.  To break it down even further, there’s an even tinier fraction of that group….  the Christian unschoolers who embrace the lifestyle of a “radical” unschooler.  These women, the ones that share my belief in both following Christ and living and learning in freedom:  They’re not my friends.  They’re my sisters.

One such sister, Lauren of Sparkling Adventures, is in pain after the sudden loss of her beautiful 7 month old son, Elijah.  I have tried for days to write a post about it, but the words just wouldn’t come.   Are there even any words to say?  What kind of words could capture such a devastating tragedy without sounding like hollow platitudes?  What kinds of words could even begin to do justice and pay respect to what this family is now going through, and will continue to go through?

What I finally decided is that there are no words…  only Love.  Prayers.  Compassion.  Shared grief.  My heart is broken for my dear sister, and for her four little girls who are suddenly without their baby brother.

Lauren was, and continues to be, an inspiration.  In her own words, from just a couple of days ago:

“Now I will learn how to comfort those who have lost a child, I will learn how to love those who have family in jail, I will learn how to be a single parent and I will learn how to love the people around me who are well-meaning but not comfortable with our lifestyle.

These are huge areas in which I will be stretched and growing in grace and love, and I embrace the opportunity to grow in Christlikeness, however painful it may seem at this time.

Know this: God is good. All the time. Of this, I am convinced.”

If you’d like to help this family in a financial way (their needs right now are great) please click on the image to find out how you can contribute.

 

To Lauren, you are so loved.  You have many thinking of you, praying for you,  and lifting you up… from all around the world.

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Filed under friends, passings, prayer request, unschooling

June 12, 2012 · 8:52 AM

Jesus Was an Unschooler

Sometimes the objections are loud and brazen: “Unschooling as a Christian is a SIN!” Sometimes they are cautious and confused, a quietly whispered, “Isn’t that… you know… unbiblical?”

Either way, they both stem from the same place: Fear. Fear and a basic misunderstanding of what the Bible does and does not have to say about education. The fact is, the Bible has lots to say about how we should conduct ourselves our Christians, lots to say about how we treat others….. and not so much to say about how we learn the three R’s.

And when we do look to the Bible for those answers? Like most answers, we need not look further than Jesus himself. And while he of course never had children of his own …

Jesus was an unschooler…

[Hop over to Christian Unschooling to read the rest]

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May 21, 2012 · 10:41 AM

Homework: The Battle over Busy Work

Today’s guest post is by Amy Travis, who last wrote for my blog with A Recipe for Disaster

One evening a few weeks ago, I was witness to a father and son fighting over homework. It was a heated fight, happening on the bleachers while others were practicing basketball. At one point the father even stabbed at the son with the pencil they were fighting over. He was frustrated and so was his son.  The funny thing is that just several months before this scene I had a discussion with my doctor about homework. She was intrigued that I homeschooled and said she could never home school because it would just be a fight since homework is. a. fight. every. single. night!

During the interview for the last teaching job I had, I was asked, “What do you think about homework?” I was so excited when I felt brave enough to answer this question with complete honesty. I said, “I don’t believe in homework and I wouldn’t give it if it were up to me, but I understand the system requires it.” The principal followed with, “Yes, we do require that the children have homework every single night.” Truth be told I wasn’t really honest with myself, because I took that job and gave that homework that I didn’t believe in.

Now why don’t I believe in that homework? The question should be why do so many believe in it?

I have heard it said that we are preparing them for college. Seriously? In Kindergarten? And what college are we preparing them for?  Because if I remember correctly, college classes weren’t five days a week for 6 to 8 hours straight. I had 2 to 4 hours of classes a day which then gave me time to do my work outside of class on my own time. Do we realize that from Kindergarten thru Senior year we expect students to attend classes and do school work all day long and then several more hours of paperwork into the evening and night?? That isn’t a college schedule! Sorry, I’m not buying that argument.

Just like my doctor, many parents will tell you that homework is a family fight most – if not all – evenings. Is this really how families should be spending their evenings? What about reserving evenings for throwing a ball, playing board games, swimming, eating dinner together, cooking or riding bikes? How about we let children decide what it is they want to learn, do, or create during the afternoon to evening hours?  I have to think that families would be better off with this type of lifestyle. Homework is like having a 40 hour/week job and then bringing extra work home. How many adults really want to do that? Yet children are expected to do it from the age of 5.

What happened to just being a kid?

I think families should be given back their family time. Homework is just busy work that parents have bought into thinking it is good for their children. Don’t buy it!

The discussions that that father and son could have while they wait for the sister to finish basketball practice could be priceless.   Instead they are heated and strained, and so are the memories they are making.

Amy Travis is a former teacher, and an unschooling mom.  When she isn’t writing blog posts for other people, she enjoys throwing parties, making cake balls, and forcing encouraging this introvert to get out and be social every once in awhile.

(photo by apdk)

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Filed under homeschooling, school, unschooling