Earlier this week, Always brand sanitary napkins announced that they would be removing a female symbol from their packaging, in an effort to be more inclusive of its transgender and non-binary customers.

The internet then proceeded to lose its mind.

“This has gotten ridiculous!

“The height of stupidity!”

“Men cannot and do not menstruate!”

This little symbol, which many people had probably never even noticed, suddenly became the harbinger of everything that was good and true in the world. Removing it would be tantamount to scourging the rights of menstruating women everywhere.

Let’s all take a collective step back, and look at what’s happening here.

Most – not all – women menstruate. We know this. Nothing is going to change it. If you’re a women who somehow feels threatened or minimized by Always’ decision, there’s no need. No one is denying your existence. No one is denying that you menstruate.

Some – not all – transgender men and non-binary individuals also menstruate.

“But! But! If they have a uterus they’re not a man!” I know. I hear your objections, loud and clear.

But here’s the thing, and it’s important: Intersex people exist. Non-binary people exist. Transgender people exist. It might make you uncomfortable. It might even make you angry. Heck, I’m fully prepared at the anger directed at me for even writing these words. But your discomfort, your anger, your disbelief does not change facts. And the fact is, those living outside of typical gender constructs are no different than you and I. They are human beings, just trying to get through the day like anyone else. Living, breathing, loving, learning…. and yes, dealing with all the messy and inconvenient aspects of humanness, which sometimes includes such things as having a period.

Your moral outrage at Always’ decision to help them feel more included sends a very real, very unsettling message. This already marginalized segment of society is literally being told :

You don’t matter.

You don’t belong.

You don’t exist.

If omitting a tiny symbol can’t hurt you (and it can’t), why on earth would its removal be anything but a positive step if it helped others feel more included? What harm is there in being more welcoming? What is the cost of affirming someone else’s existence?

It literally costs you nothing.

You may not agree with gender fluidity, you may not even believe it exists. But there are very real people with very real feelings who would beg to differ. Those people are being hurt, and the rest of us have a choice: We can add to the hurt, or we can extend a hand. We can ostracize, or we can welcome. We can shun, or we can include.

And listen, I am far from the person I want to be, and God knows I could use help in the loving people department. But this one seems like a no-brainer to me. If my actions, if my words, if my behavior can make someone feel more worthy, more accepted, more seen, then I’m going to do my best to make it happen.

We pay a price for outrage and anger. Kindness is free.

The other day, I was doing an exercise DVD. I prefer to get my exercise by walking or hiking outside, but that’s ill-advised when it’s 114 degrees out. So anyway, I’d dusted off this old HiiT workout I had, and started noticing something that bugged me. Our fearless leader in spandex kept talking about “zapping” problem areas. Let’s get rid of that muffin top, the saddle bags, the fat in front for your arm pits. It suddenly occurred to me to wonder, “Wait. Who am I zapping them for?” I’ll get back to that.

I’ve gained weight recently. A lot of it in fact. Mostly a side effect of a medication (Important note: you never know why someone’s gained or lost weight), I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still getting comfortable in my new skin.

I wasn’t always overweight. At various times in my adult life I’ve been underweight, an “ideal weight”, and carrying a few extra pounds. Here’s a fun fact: people can be just as cruel to those who are underweight as they are to those who are overweight. Because for some god-forsaken reason, people at large think they get to have an opinion on what our bodies look like. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

It’s summertime, so my news feed is inundated with ads for this program or that workout, this potion or that diet. Get the six-pack! Get bikini ready! Get sexy arms! Get a lifted butt! It’s like we collectively can’t handle fat, can’t handle variations in the ideal body type. Whoever decides what’s ideal, anyway?

We’re told things like, “no pain, no gain,” or “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” (What kind of a messed up message is this?) We’re told to work out more and diet harder so our clothes fit nicer, so we feel sexier, so we look better. Why does skinnier = better? Why are we so afraid of variations in body size? People are meant to be different sizes.

Believe it or not, my lack of a six-pack does not affect you. Nor does it mean I’m unhealthy, nor does it mean I don’t try hard enough.

In the past, I have starved myself – STARVED myself – into a size two. According to the world, I was “healthy”. But I’d never been more unhealthy. I’d never hated my body more. And make no mistake, for me to lose weight now, at a size 12, it requires the same thing: starvation. Starvation and obsessive exercise. For the time being at least, this is the size my body wants to be. Whether society says it’s okay or not, this is me.

But there has to be something in the middle right? Something between starving yourself, and leading a sedentary, unhealthy lifestyle? YES! Yes, there is. One can remain active without feeling the need for the six pack, one can eat a variety of nutrient dense foods without feeling the need to berate themselves for eating a bowl of ice cream. One can feel good about themselves without feeling the need to force themselves into a size 2.

I see a very odd phenomenon within diet and fitness groups when it comes to food. The all-out obsession with the points and the calories and the fat. People patting themselves on the back for resisting the cookie or the donut or the piece of pizza. I can’t help but wonder what the end game is. Do they think they’ll get extra points at the end of their life for turning down that piece of birthday cake? Orthorexia is real (look it up).

You may call it weak, but I call it living a happy life. If I want a cookie, I’ll eat a damn cookie. Cookies are not “bad.” Hate and war are bad. A cookie is just a cookie.

I think we’ve collectively lost sight of what we’re doing here. Collectively lost sight of the fact that bodies (healthy bodies, at that!) come in all shapes and sizes, and that it’s not our place to comment on them, ever. That eating and exercising are personal, and that decisions about such can only be made by the owner of said body. That the way someone carries herself or dresses herself is up to her, not up to society at large. That if we find fault in someone else’s body, that is an US problem, not a them problem.

We have to stop with the assumptions and the snap judgments. We have to stop with the mindset of having to “fix” everyone.

An overweight person can still run a marathon. An overweight person can still climb to the top of that mountain. An overweight person can still be strong and sexy and beautiful, and shame on us for creating a culture where that very fact is accepted as false.

Let’s change the narrative. Let’s focus on beauty at all sizes. Let’s focus on eating foods and including movement that makes us feel good. Let’s focus on health for health’s sake, not for fitting into a certain size or achieving a certain aesthetic.

Let’s remember that we are not our bodies. We are souls. Our bodies just give those souls somewhere to hang out. And that’s a beautiful thing, whether you’re a size 2 or a size 20.

“Let’s just agree to disagree.”

It sounds nice, doesn’t it? A neat, tidy, and respectful way to end an argument or debate. You have your beliefs, I have mine, and we’ll just set them aside as neither right nor wrong. We’ll both go on, happily secure in the knowledge that our opinions are equally valid and okay.

It seems foolproof. It does. And in many, many cases it is the kindest solution to disagreement.

But I’m not always going to agree to disagree. I’m not always going to “respect your opinion.”

I won’t agree to disagree with you if you think hitting children is okay. I will continue to speak out about children’s rights, and their right (like all people) to bodily autonomy, and to decide who puts their hands on them, and when, and how, and for what reason.

I won’t agree to disagree with you if you think it’s okay to make jokes about, disparage, or treat anyone differently because of their race, their religion, their gender, or their sexual orientation. I won’t agree to disagree with you if your position is racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise unkind. I will continue to speak out about fair and equal treatment to all.

I won’t agree to disagree with you about religion, unless your religion (or lack thereof) teaches you to love, to include, to show compassion for all. I will continue to speak out about a Jesus that walked in love for all people, but especially for those who are marginalized by the rest of society.

I won’t agree to disagree with you if you think that mental illness is all in your head, or something that can be cured with “positive thoughts.” I will continue to speak out about awareness, education, and breaking the stigma for those with depression, anxiety, bipolar, and other mental health conditions.

Agreeing to disagree has its place, to be sure. Cannot stand my favorite band? Cool. Hate my favorite movie? Okay. Like nuts in brownies, pineapple on pizza, or caraway seeds in your bagel? Your choice to make.

But there’s a certain point where choices are not equal, where a person has to decide what’s right and wrong, and good and bad, and worthy of taking a stand. A hill to die on as it were.

Speaking as someone who is an entirely different person than she was 25 years ago, I know my opinion can be changed about many things. But not about this. Not about anything above.

Does that mean then that I’m a closed book? That I won’t even discuss it? The opposite is true. I think it’s important to talk about. I think that’s how seeds are planted. I think that’s how people grow.

But just know, if you choose to talk to me or fight with me about any of the above …. I will never, ever agree to disagree.