Tegan, 4 years and 10.5 months at the time of this writing (because I’m in denial about my last baby turning 5 soon) is awesome – says her unbiased mom. She’s smart and spunky and beautiful. But what really makes her awesome is the stuff that comes out of her mouth. Just a tiny sample of some of my favorites of late:

“Something extreme is going on here…..”

To the Chipmunks movie promo that told her to “shake her tail”: “But I don’t have a tail! I just have a cute little bottom!”

When I messed up one of her fingernails, during our weekly manicure: “It’s okay. It was an accident. It’s not your fault you’re not as smart as daddy.”

“I tooted twice last night in bed. Both on Daddy.”

“Your butt cheeks are bigger than mine, Mommy.”

“I’m so good at dancing, it’ll make your heart fall out of your brain.”

T, over a year after she potty-trained: “Mommy, can you buy me some Huggies?” Me: “What for?” T: “So I can have drier, happier mornings!”

After walking into the room with a huge scowl on her face: Me: “What’s the matter?” T: “What do you think??” Me: “I don’t know. That’s why I asked.” T, with a dramatic sigh: “Well…. I woke up this morning, and my hair was flat.”

And finally, just last night: “Mommy, how old will you be when I’m nine? About a hundred and sixty?”

I so love this child.

“Mommy, how do you make love?”

The question was honest, and innocent.  I absolutely believe in talking about such matters frankly, so I did what any self-respecting parent would do.  I stalled.

“What do you mean, like a drawing?”  I thought maybe she meant a heart.  When Everett was her age he used to always (adorably) call hearts “kisses”.

“No.  No.  Not a drawing.  I said ‘how do you make love?”  She repeated it as if I were hard of hearing, and followed it up with  “Like, with your body.”

“Uh….  your body?”  Stalling, stalling.   I’m cool, I’m calm.   I can handle this.

“Yes,”  She paused, and much to my relief, rephrased.  “Well, no.  With your hand.”

“Oh….”   I wasn’t sure that was better.   And then I realized.  “OH!  You mean this?”:

“Yes!”  And I helped her make the sign with her own fingers, and she was happy.  “I love you Mommy,”  she told me, with both her hand and her words.

I love you too, baby.  More than you’ll ever know.