Category Archives: gentle parenting

November 1, 2013 · 3:38 PM

Book Review: The Gentle Parent, by L.R. Knost

I am so excited to bring your attention to another must-read parenting book by L.R. Knost. The third in her Little Hearts Handbook series (the first two were Two Thousand Kisses a Day, and Whispers Through Time), The Gentle Parent gets right to the heart of parenting and disciplining gently: with cooperation, communication, and connection. While I wholeheartedly recommend that you read – and implement – all three, you needn’t have read the first two in order to read this one!

As she did with her first two books, Knost presents her information in a clear, easy-to-read conversational style, in short little chapters that are perfect for busy parents. Using both a wealth of facts and her own tried and true personal experience, she takes the reader’s hand and guides her through all those tricky moments that trip up even the best of parents. Always keeping your relationship with your child as the utmost of importance, she shows you why punishment is not the answer, and how you can gently and kindly deal with such issues as:

~ A toddler who is hitting, kicking, and biting

~ Parenting in public

~ Strong-willed children

~ Lying

~ What it really means when a child is acting out

~ Teens who are hurting

And so much more! This little book is FULL of information that you can begin implementing in your household right now…. information that will help you have a happier, closer, more peaceful relationship with your child.

It is simply a must read. And you can pick up the Kindle edition for less than the cost of a Starbucks coffee drink. And that’s not all.

Today Only! You can get the accompanying Gentle Parenting Workshop on Kindle for FREE.

From it’s Amazon description:

The Gentle Parenting Workshops from award-winning author, L.R.Knost are companions to her best-selling parenting books, ‘Two Thousand Kisses a Day,’ ‘Whispers Through Time,’ and the newest release, ‘The Gentle Parent.’ The first workshop in the series, ‘Gentle Parenting Workshop 1: Getting Started on Your Gentle Journey,’ will help you set your gentle parenting goals, identify specific parenting problems, and target practical solutions to help you along on your journey to gentle parenting.

There are few parenting authors that I can recommend with such wholehearted and unwavering faith, support, and trust. L.R. Knost is one of them.

Best-selling parenting and children’s book author and mother of six, L.R.Knost, is an independent child development researcher and founder and director of the advocacy and consulting group, Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources. Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages and Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood are the first in her Little Hearts Handbooks series of parenting guides. The newest book in the series, The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline was just released on November 1, 2013. Other works by this award-winning author include the children’s picture books Petey’s Listening Ears, and the soon-to-be-released Grumpykins series for ages 2 to 6, which are humorous and engaging tools for parents, teachers, and caregivers to use in implementing gentle parenting techniques in their homes and schools.

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Filed under book reviews, gentle parenting

June 27, 2013 · 6:00 AM

Just Wait Till Your Kids Are Teens

“Just wait till your kids are teens.”

“It’s different with teens, you’ll see.”

“You know what TEENS are like!”

The above are just a few of the (paraphrased) comments I’ve gotten from readers who don’t realize that I already have teenagers. They’ll be negative and condescending and almost … smug … when they say things like, “Maybe gentle parenting works now, but just wait until you have teenagers. You’ll be changing your tune then.” Or, “Ha ha, I can’t wait until your kids are teenagers and you get your wakeup call.” Or, “I used to feel the same way as you, and then I had teens.”

Now, setting aside the fact that essentially rooting for me to fail as a parent is a lousy thing to do, comments like this just further perpetuate the unfair negative stereotype that far too many people hold about teens. Teens are rebellious, teens are sullen, teens are entitled, teens hate their parents. Teens are rude, arrogant, eye-rolling, miscreants. Did I get them all? Society’s villification of teens is real, and it’s not okay.

If you expect teens (or really, anyone) to behave in a negative way, what kind of behavior do you suppose you’ll see? The negative!

The opposite is true as well. When you expect kindness… when you give kindness… you get kindness in return.

At the time of this writing, Spencer is 16; and Paxton, though he won’t technically turn 13 until August, has – due to both his maturity and the fact that he has physically towered over me for almost a year now – felt like an honorary teen for at least the past 6 months. I am enjoying them now as much as I ever have, if not moreso. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy the younger ages. I do. It’s just that there’s something really really cool about getting to relate to them on a whole new level, getting more and more glimpses into the men that they’ll become, and getting to watch as they grow into these cool, funny, thoughtful young adults.

It makes me sad to see such broad misconceptions about teens out there, and to see so many people accept it as a given that their parent/child relationship is going to suffer once puberty hits. It doesn’t have to be that way. And if you keep the lines of communication open.. if you talk with your kids.. if you LISTEN to your kids.. if you respect your kids.. if you give your kids space.. if you let your kids make choices… there is no reason to think or to assume that the teen years can’t be just as happy and fun and connected as the years leading up to it.

Are there bumps along the way? Are there new issues to work through, new growth to be had as a parent? Are there challenges? Of course! It’s a crazy time, being a teenager. There are big questions, and big feelings, and big ideas. There are raging hormones, and body changes, and new relationships… all to be dealt with with one foot still in childhood, and one foot reaching, reaching out into the great vastness of “adulthood.” I remember being a teenager well, and it was not easy. Nothing about it was easy. Wouldn’t it follow then that as parents we should be more kind and more patient and more compassionate during those years of transition instead of less? Instead of subscribing to this idea that teens are somehow “less than”? Instead of sighing and huffing and joining in on the common refrain of complaining about “these teens today?”

Shouldn’t we be embracing them?

As I sit here and look at those comments I opened with, I can’t help but think of the good that could come from reading them with positive intent instead of the way they were said to me:

“Just wait till your kids are teens.” Yes, just wait. You will love it! Teens are fun and interesting and full of great ideas, great insights, and great conversation.

“It’s different with teens, you’ll see.” Yes, very different. They use the bathroom and bathe all by themselves. They make their own sandwiches. They’re able to have big discussions about things like politics and religion and what happened on last week’s Dexter. They astound you with their maturity one minute, and crack you up with their child-like antics the next.

“You know what TEENS are like!” Yes, yes I do. Teens rock.

Anybody who’s fortunate enough to be able to parent or befriend a teenager is a lucky person indeed.

22 Comments

Filed under gentle parenting, mindful parenting, misconceptions, parenting, teens

June 23, 2013 · 6:00 AM

Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood

I was thrilled to be asked to be part of L.R. Knost’s virtual book tour for her new book, Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood. Her first book in the series, 2000 Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages, was truly one of the best, most comprehensive gentle parenting books I’d ever read, and I couldn’t wait to read its follow-up.

Let me just get this out of the way and start by saying I love this book. Once again, L.R. Knost has written a beautiful and inspiring little book, filled with gentle advice, personal stories, and specific actions you can take right now to improve your communication and connection with your child. The book is broken up into clear and logical sections, with each chapter being only a few pages long, so it’s perfect for busy moms who may only have a couple of minutes to read at a time.

Again working her way from infancy right up through the teenage years, she reminds us that even the most challenging behaviors are simply our children’s attempts to communicate. Our job as parents is to listen, with patience and with love. Knost covers all the tricky topics that can trip up even the most experienced of moms, and she shares how to communicate and respond with gentleness and grace to such difficult issues as:

Tantrums

Whining

Tattling

Lying

“Backtalk”

Apologizing to your children

Your changing teen…

… and so much more.

This is a book that every parent should read, and will want to refer to again and again. I simply can’t say enough good things about it. I wish books like this were around when I was a brand new mom, struggling to find my way around this gentle parenting thing, but I’m grateful that they’re here now … and I’m grateful for L.R. Knost and the work she’s doing through her advocacy group Little Hearts Book/Gentle Parenting Resources. Her tagline reads, “Changing the world, one little heart at a time,” and that’s exactly what she, and these beautiful books, are doing.

This post is part of the Virtual Book Tour for the launch of L.R.Knost’s newest release Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood. Click here if you’d like to check out all of the other stops on the tour!

Best-selling parenting and children’s book author, L.R.Knost, is an independent child development researcher and founder and director of the advocacy and consulting group, Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources. A mother of six, her children range from 25- years down to 25-months-old. Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and Stages and Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood are the first in her Little Hearts Handbooks series of parenting guides. The next book in the series, The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline is due to be released November 2013. Other works by this award-winning author include the children’s picture books A Walk in the Clouds, Petey’s Listening Ears, and the soon-to-be-released Grumpykins series for ages 2 to 6, which are humorous and engaging tools for parents, teachers, and caregivers to use in implementing gentle parenting techniques in their homes and schools.

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Filed under book reviews, gentle parenting

June 3, 2013 · 6:00 AM

Keep Your Cool (and read this book)

I was excited when I heard that Flo Gascon had written a parenting book. I know Flo, and her parenting style based on kindness and connection was one I’d long admired. I knew even before I started reading that it would be filled with valuable information for both new and seasoned moms alike.

I was not disappointed.

Keep Your Cool: How to Stop Yelling, Spanking & Punishing is a workbook-style book that delivers on its promises and then some. It is not a book that simply tells you what not to do as a parent, but a book that gives you all the tools you need to learn what to do instead. It breaks it all down into small, manageable pieces, and gives you specific strategies that you can implement right away… strategies that can both transform your relationship with your children, and give you a lifeline during those moments of stress, conflict, and frustration.

What makes this book truly great is that Flo recognizes that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. It is a unique journey for each and every parent, with each and every child. The common thread between any successful parent/child relationship is connection and compassion, and this book understands that so very well. The steps, suggestions, and questions it offers will guide you through tapping into that connection and compassion with your children, even (or especially!) on those tough days.

Simultaneously challenging and reassuring, the in-depth questions contained in each chapter help you do the self-reflective work that’s necessary to improve your relationship and interactions with your children. They illuminate areas that need improving, and help identify issues that may be holding you back. Also worth noting: Not once as I was reading this book did I feel bad about past mistakes as a parent. In fact, I felt lifted up and encouraged, excited about new tools I could implement to make my relationships with my kids all the sweeter.

We’ve all had our moments where we feel like we’ve lost our cool with our kids (the author of the book included, some of which she graciously shares), but by doing the necessary work and employing the strategies outlined in this book, we can tip the odds in the other direction.

Keep Your Cool is simply a must-read for anyone who wants to be empowered to make better decisions, less knee-jerk reactions, and enjoy a happier and healthier relationship with her kids.

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Filed under book reviews, gentle parenting, mindful parenting, parenting

May 5, 2013 · 2:20 PM

A Radical Path

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don’t have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member.

Just like with the quotes, I had trouble narrowing this one down. So many awesome blogs by so many awesome blogger friends! I ultimately decided that while I could wax poetic about some of the bigger blogs that you already know and love, it’d be more productive to introduce you to a blog that you might not know about yet. And if you don’t know about it yet, you’re missing out!

A few people readily came to mind (and I’m sure I’ll share them all, eventually) but for today’s post I chose Karen of A Radical Path. What makes her great? She just rocks. She’s a loyal friend, an awesome mom, and an all-around stand-up person. She’s a fellow Christian radical unschooler, and in addition to having a rather brilliantly named blog, she’s Australian and has passed on such important wisdom as sayings like “crikey” and “bloody hell.”

She writes boldly and honestly about radical unschooling and gentle parenting, and about walking this radical path we’re both on. From her “about me” on her blog:

The path through life is often broad and wide, well travelled and unquestioned.

This blog is about our journey along a more radical, less travelled path. It is about thinking differently, questioning the status quo, getting off auto pilot, breaking free from unconsidered traditions, and forging a way through a wilderness that is just waiting to be discovered! It is about daring to be different, rethinking assumptions, and facing the future with hope and courage.

Join me as we undo the laces of the smelly old shoe that doesn’t fit anyway, dip our toes in the crystal clear waters, wash away the dirt and dust, and walk (even run!) barefoot in the green grass of freedom….

If you like my blog, you will love hers. Go follow her on Facebook here. You’re welcome.

How Would Jesus Parent?

Before I had kids, I never thought about what kind of parent I would be. It seems almost inconceivable to me now, given what a defining role that motherhood would come to play in my life, but it’s true. It simply never entered my mind. Until the very moment my first son was born, I remained embarrassingly, and happily, ignorant.

As it turns out, my lack of preparedness didn’t hurt me. When it came to parenting, I quickly realized that it wasn’t something I could really plan out anyway.

…..

Jump on over to the Faithful Parenting series to read the rest.

Just a Minute

I’m very tired.

I don’t mean that I’m tired right now as I write this (even though I am), but more that I’m sort of perpetually tired. I’m not complaining either. Just stating facts. I think that between being a full-time mom for 16 years, and having 4 busy kids, and a Mike and a business and a life, and being in physical pain for the past 11 months … plus the fact that I’ve been a chronic insomniac since I was 19, which basically means that I’ve been sleep-deprived for two decades…

Put them all together, add ice and stir: A person’s going to be a little bit tired.

I blame fatigue for the latest “mom phrase” I’m trying to strike from my vocabulary. But it’s no excuse.

The girl will ask me to play a game or do a puzzle or help her find something in her room, and before I’ve thought about it I’ve answered,

“Sure! In just a minute.” And then I take that minute to finish my email, read another paragraph of my article, wipe the crumbs from the counter, or just rest for a few. more. seconds. because the thought of getting up just feels like too much. And nine times out of ten we then do whatever it was she was requesting, and all is well. But that 10% of the time? She’s gotten tired of waiting for me, and moved on to doing something on her own. 🙁 And that’s not acceptable to me. It means I missed a moment. I missed another chance to connect.

And while, yes, there are certain circumstances where a “just a minute” is warranted (being behind a closed bathroom door comes to mind) most of the time, it’s just not. It’s not her fault that I’m tired, and it’s not her fault that I’ve once again spread myself too thin.

She’s more important than answering that email right this second.

She’s more important than having a clean counter.

She’s more important than finishing the article.

She’s more important than that 60 extra seconds of rest… rest that I wouldn’t need if I’d been taking better care of myself in the first place.

So a few days ago, I decided I would try to mindfully stop saying, “just a minute” unless I had a really good reason (and it’s amazing how very few good reasons there really are when you stop and think about it). When I hear that, “Mommy, can you…” I say “sure” without exception, and I mean it. I get up, and I follow through. No missed moments.

And perhaps not surprisingly, it’s making me happy, it’s making her happy…. and I’m not any more tired than I was before.

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Filed under gentle parenting, mindful parenting, parenting, Tegan

March 14, 2013 · 8:49 AM

Book Review: Two Thousand Kisses a Day, by LR Knost

“Getting to know and enjoy your children as individuals, intentionally focusing on building and maintaining a strong and healthy parent/child connection, and living what you want your children to learn are the best bedrocks of gentle parenting.” ~ L.R. Knost

A little bit of a confession, if I may: Sometimes when I read parenting books, I do so with a little trepidation. It’s just happened too many times… I’ll be reading (and loving) a book, nodding along in agreement, and then I’ll hit a section that will leave me cold. A veiled suggestion for punishment in a book that claims to endorse no such thing; or a disrespectful and one-size-fits-all “trick” for getting your kids to listen, instead of a gentle reminder to be doing more listening yourself.

And that’s exactly why I’m so excited to be able to wholeheartedly recommend Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through The Ages & Stages, with no hesitation, and no disclaimers. That moment of pause simply never happened when reading this book, which I devoured almost entirely in one sitting. From the first page to the last, it refreshingly does exactly what it promises: it shows you how to parent gently, with kindness, compassion, and connection, always keeping that strong and healthy relationship with your child at the forefront of your journey.

It is truly a breath of fresh air amongst all the harsh traditional parenting books advocating for punishments, rewards, and control. It takes you back to what parenting should be: a respectful partnership. A dance between parent and child, where everyone’s voices are heard, and everyone’s needs are met.

And while it speaks beautifully to the wonderful parts of parenting, it doesn’t gloss over the hard parts either. The author also speaks with great candor about a few difficult moments she had with her children, as well as how she handled them as a gentle parent, and what she learned from the process. It is honest, and it is enlightening.

Covering just about everything you’d need to know, from birth straight through to adulthood (yes, there’s even a section on relating to your grown child. How cool is that?) she takes you through the issues one by one, logically organized by the ages and stages. Just a few of the topics you’ll read about:

Co-sleeping

Child-led weaning

Feeding your toddler

Learning to use the toilet (without “potty training”)

Healthy limits

What’s wrong with punishments

How to handle chores

Dealing with childhood anxieties

Being that safe place to fall during adolescence

Gently parenting your teens

Teens and self-esteem

Dealing with the hard issues

She even includes useful sections on topics I don’t believe I’ve ever seen in a parenting book before, such as dealing with “mommy guilt” and determining whether your children are introverts or extroverts. And through it all, the underlying themes remains true, intact and clear:

Connection. Trust. Communication.

It’s an absolutely lovely book, and one that should be on every new parent’s shelf.

You can purchase it through Amazon for under $10, and for the next few days she’s offering a free Kindle edition with every purchased paperback copy. Here’s what you need to know.

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Filed under book reviews, gentle parenting

January 5, 2013 · 11:09 AM

I’m a Better Mom When My Kids Are Sick

I had an uncomfortable realization yesterday.

Spencer spent most of the day in the ER with a dislocated shoulder. He is home now, put back together and sleeping comfortably, but yesterday was a long miserable day for him. Mike brought him to the ER while I stayed home with the others feeling anxious and useless, unsure of what to do with myself. As I’d imagine any parent would tell you, there are few things worse than knowing your children are in pain or sick or hurt in any way. It was with great relief that I finally met him at the front door, smiling, whole (if a bit drugged up), and home where I could dote on him.

So glad to have something to do after a day of waiting, I made sure he was comfortable on the couch and that he had the remotes controls he needed. I fixed him some toast and put water on for tea. I kept him company while he watched one of his favorite shows, I brought him ibuprofen when it was time, and I even helped him with his belt buckle when he admitted with a laugh that while he managed to get it UNdone with one hand to use the restroom, he couldn’t get it done again. I was attentive, and I was patient, and I did it all gladly. It made me happy to be able to do something, anything, to help him stay as comfortable as possible.

In short, I was the kind of mom I should be striving to be all the time.

It occurred to me on my third or fourth trip out of the living room to get him something that didn’t I have it backwards? Not that we shouldn’t be so vigilant when there is an extra need, but shouldn’t that same level of patience, of compassion, and willingness to give be present when the kids are well? Especially with kids like mine who are almost never sick? And it’s not that I don’t think I’m a good mom. It’s just that crises tend to make me a BETTER mom. A more aware mom. A more patient mom. And if I can choose to bring that “extra” to my parenting when someone is sick or hurt, can’t I choose to do it all the time? It’s not even a choice now that I think about it…. it’s just the default. Someone is hurt, and out comes that “other” mom. The one who isn’t irritable because she hasn’t been sleeping enough, the one who isn’t distracted with silly things like Facebook and housework and outstanding bills, the one who has all the love in the world and all the time in the world to give it.

Yes, I’ve had it backwards, and I can change that.

I don’t really do resolutions, but if I did, my new resolution would be this: For this year… this week… this day… to make more of an effort to treat my kids – all my kids – as well as I’d treat them if they’d just spent the day in the ER.

2 Comments

Filed under about me, gentle parenting, health, kindness, mindful parenting, parenting, Spencer

December 18, 2012 · 6:00 AM

2012 Top Ten

What a year for parenting. Between Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, there was no shortage of avenues for crazy ideas. Laptop-shooting dads, public shamings on Facebook, and negative and anti-kid “pins” were all the rage this year.

As I went through my stats for the year to get this post together, I realized that once again my most read pieces were those that responded to these popular trends. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it makes sense…. these are things that people are thinking about, and talking about, and are just generally in the public’s consciousness. On the other, it bothers me. Bothers me because they’re also the posts that garner me the most negative attention, the most “Why don’t you stop judging everyone else and worry about your own family” kind of comments. It was not too long ago that I was told I should stop picking on everyone.

That’s not who I am, and it’s not what this blog is.

Still, there were things that I think needed to be said, and with few exceptions I don’t regret saying them. I do imagine the blog going in a bit of a different direction in 2013, both as a conscious decision and just because I’ve gone in a different direction. As an authentic extension of myself, this space is a growing, changing, fluid organism. And thank God for that.

Here are my most read posts for the year, in order of most to least views:

Not My Idea of a Hero: My response to Tommy Jordan, the man who gained his 15 minutes of fame when the video of him shooting bullets through his daughter’s laptop went viral on YouTube. I took a lot of flack on this one… for “judging” him, and for not respecting him and his decisions as a parent. But the man took a gun, shot it through his daughter’s property, and used fear, intimidation, and public ridicule as a way to discipline. I stand by this one.

I stole your stuff. Now I’m holding it for ransom: My take on the popular Pinterest idea of collecting your kids’ things that were left lying around, putting them in a big bin, and then having them do chores to earn them back. A lot of negative responses to this too (people hold very tightly to their treasured pins :)), especially to my use of the word, “steal.” But in my house, my childrens’ things are their own, and taking something that doesn’t belong to you is stealing. I stand by this one too.

Dear Chick Fil A, I Love You But: Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick Fil A, made a public statement about gay marriage and what he called traditional family values. People boycotted, people supported him, and everyone went crazy. The brouhaha on both sides of this issue was just too much to ignore, so I had to say my piece. My only regret on this one? That I wasn’t brave enough to say how I really felt about homosexuality. That I hid behind hypotheticals and political correctness and the same “traditional family values” that had started the whole thing. What I didn’t do was come right out and say that yes, I’m a Christian who absolutely loves God and loves Jesus…. and doesn’t happen to think that homosexuality is a sin. I didn’t say that I think that the way homosexuals have been treated in the name of Christianity is absolutely abhorrent, and I didn’t say that I think something needs to change in a HUGE way in this country (and that that change should not involve denying gay individuals the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.) I didn’t share that I too was once an adamant “It’s a sin, but…” Christian, or the journey that it took for me to feel otherwise, or the years of researching on my own, trying to find out what the Bible actually did and did not say, or my gratitude for people like John Shore, and other Christians who were brave enough to question the status quo – and write about it – long before me. So there it is. And in 2013, I won’t shy away from talking about it anymore.

Mom’s Rules and Is it Okay to Let Your Child Cry? and The Problem with Facebook Parenting: I don’t want to keep repeating myself, so I’ll comment on these all together. Some things are worth taking a stand about. The way children are treated is one of them.

Unschooling, Christianity & Other Misconceptions and The Five Rs for New Homeschoolers and Unschooling: Don’t You Worry That They’ll Miss Something? I’m glad these made the list. I’m in a season right now of not wanting to really talk about unschooling so much as just LIVE it. I know that people are still out there looking for information and reassurance though, and I’d love to think that they’re able to find some of that in some of my past posts…. if nothing else, as a jumping off point for further research.

The Boy Named Johnny: About an awesome, energetic, different kid in Everett’s cub scout troop. I’m glad this made the list too, especially in light of the Connecticut school shootings, and the attention being paid to the fact that the shooter had Asperger’s. I think it’s an important conversation to be had.

And a bonus number 11:

When is it Okay to Judge?: When I saw this was in the number 11 spot, I knew I had to include it. Please read it, especially if any of the above posts make you want to call me judgmental. 🙂

Love you all, and I can’t wait to see what 2013 brings.

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Filed under blogging, christian unschooling, discipline, gentle discipline, gentle parenting, judgement, kindness, learning, life, mindful parenting, parenting, unschooling

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