Every day, I take a pill
Actually I take a few different pills, but for the sake of brevity….
I take a pill
The pill is not a happy pill, nor is it a magic pill
It’s not an “easy out”
It’s not a substitute for taking care of myself
Or for eating well, or getting enough rest, or getting out into the sun
It’s not (no matter how much others try to make you believe otherwise) a sign of my ignorance, or my lack of research
It’s not (no matter how much others try to make you believe otherwise) about blind faith in a flawed and corrupt system
Are pills over-prescribed? Yes
Do pills come with risks? Yes!
But still I take a pill
I take a pill because I value my life
I value the quality of my life
I take a pill because without it my life was the very last thing I valued
I take a pill because for some reason (or two reasons or a hundred reasons) my brain just doesn’t quite work like yours
And it’s okay! This weird, different, twisty brain of mine is okay
But not when it’s lying to me
Not when it’s telling me I’m not enough
Not worth the space I take up
Not when it’s overcome with darkness, or mania, or anxiety
So I take a pill
And the pill doesn’t fix me
But it allows me to fix myself
It allows me to function
It allows me to enjoy instead of just exist
It allows me to see colors where there was once only black and white
It allows me to move when I was once immobilized
I take a pill
I take a pill for me, but also for ALL the people who are shamed away from seeking help
Shamed away from saying it out loud
Shamed away from pills
Or doctors
Or therapists
Shamed away from putting a label on something that is NOT shameful or bad or ugly…. but just different
I take a pill because I need the help
I take a pill because all the fresh air and exercise and essential oils and kale in the world did not fix the broken
And I’ll say it again..
The pill doesn’t fix the broken either
But it allows me to fix the broken
It allows me to believe that the broken is fixable in the first place
It allows me to believe that the broken is WORTH fixing
So despite the voices
The voices from family, from friends, from strangers
Dear Lord the constant voices
The voices that yell DO NOT TAKE THE PILL
Every day, I take a pill
And every day I’m thankful for it.
There is no shame in doing what you need to do to stay well.
Love this! There are so many ways to deal with depression, anxiety, etc. but not everyone works for everybody. I tired many things myself, but still every morning I felt I had to climb out of a huge, deep, dark pit. It was so deep and so dark that I felt it the rest of the day – hanging on me like heavy chains, pulling me down no matter what my day was like. Fortunately, I found medicine that help stay on more level ground. I had good days and bad days, ups and downs, but ending my life was no longer what I wanted. I had enough hope to continue on, not like before before when I was hopeless. Just like a diabetic, the chemistry in my body wasn’t working right and I needed medicine to correct it. Sorry, so long. It struck a nerve.❤️
It is chemistry. I take a pill (well ‘shoot up’ actually) to control MS. To me it is the same difference. So mine is qualified as a physical illness and yours mental but in the end it does not matter. We are wired differently and the medicines kinda put it right, rest is up to us. Still work ahead. No choice is ever an easy out.
Taking that pill, the first one, was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I was terrified of who I would become, who I would be if I was not the ‘me’ I was familiar with. And about a week later there was this moment when I felt joy, actually felt this tiny bubble of bliss filter up through my body from somewhere inside me. THAT was what changed my world. I had no idea what I had been missing because I had been so long in the darkness. I still hang onto that memory.